Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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