i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
