my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
