Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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