we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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