i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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