there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
