boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
