i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
