Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
