You really coming over, don't trick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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