Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
