all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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