This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
