I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
