to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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