Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize