why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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