You just made me feel so damn special
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was CRYING into my vagina
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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