please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
