I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
