he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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