Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Randomize
