You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
