I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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