R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
