I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
