i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
