Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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