Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
