we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
