pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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