a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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