Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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