WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
