well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
