oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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