my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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