I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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