just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
