1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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