Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
