I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
