and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard we made out
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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