She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This house was built for laser tag.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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