shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
