actually, I'm a sock model
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
