Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How does one acquire holy water?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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