Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
