oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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