i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
