Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
