I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
