then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
