I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
