turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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