That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
