i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
