phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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