Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
