She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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